Lessons we learn from Twilight

Have you ever watched Twilight backwards? It's amazing. Nah, not really. It's still crap.

In the past, if I felt depressed or hopeless, I'd console myself by telling myself that I had never read any of the Twilight books. But that has all changed now. I purposely exposed myself to the Twilight universe for experimental purposes (not sexual experimentation though, sparkly dominating vampires ain't mah thing). Nevertheless, I did learn a few 'truths' from Stephanie Meyer's modern masterpiece.


Be submissive, be helpless.

Oh Bella. The new pin up girl for Damsels in Distress everywhere. Interestingly, Bella's description within the book is very vague. But her flawed personality makes up for it. Bella is described as clumsy, stubborn and rather 'average'. Bella is also described as a terrible liar, who overeats when she feels upset. Basically, an unoriginal character devoid of any unique traits/quirks who is set up for failure. And where Bella fails, there is always a hypermasuline character fighting to 'save' her.

Submissiveness is a huge component in Bella's personality. From the very beginning of the first book, we see Bella is constantly cooking, cleaning and caring for her (...lazy) father. And when Bella wins the attention of sparkly Edward Cullen, she instantly submits to his every whim. And due to a lack of self, Edward becomes Bella's obsession which results in page upon page of mindless drivel.

Time upon time, Bella has to be rescued (from a car, from harassment/teasing, from drowning, from Jasper ect) because she's too flawed, helpless or goddamn stupid to save herself. Seriously, from the amount of near death experiences Bella has experienced, it seems like even the universe is trying to kill her useless self off. Well, I'd hardly blame the universe in this case.

Overprotective, abusive man-child = panty dropper

Edwards is a cute, overprotective boyfriend that every girl craves.
 It baffles me as to why countless girls/women let their panties drop, the second they hear about fictional Edward Cullen. Maybe I'm just not normal. I wouldn't actually enjoy having my supernatural man reading my private and intimate thoughts to ensure that I am only thinking about him. I would hate having a man who BANS me from driving a car and you call me a crazy femeninazi, but I've never secretly wished that my man's sister would kidnap me so he could control my movement. And although this isn't necessarily 'abuse', Edward creeping on Bella as she sleeps? Come on Meyers, let's keep that creepy voyeurism where it belongs, on 4chan.

Bella becomes isolated from all friends and family, Edward continues to dominate and control her, even threatening her in certain instances. But no, this isn't abuse ladies. This is a cute relationship that we all need to crave.

And some more pearls of wisdom we learn from the series..

- You CAN change a person for the better. Well if you sacrifice your wellbeing, happiness and sanity.
- The best situation a woman can wish to be in, is stuck between two 'men'. Choosing bestiality or necrophilia. Ahh, romantic.
- Is your crush aloof, mean tempered and rude? Does he ignore you a lot? It means he's in love with you.
- Punctuation and correct full-stop usage within writing is like, so last year. Oh and cramming that bad boy of a 'novel' full of teenage angst, it just leaves readers hungry for more.

I think I'll leave it at that.
The universe of Twilight is most insightful. And it goes without saying that Twilight might be the best book-to-movie adaptation ever. Nothing was lost in the translation, because bullshit remains bullshit.

And that leaves us with one question.
In my research, did I join 'team Edward' or 'team Jacob'?
I'm team person who tried to hit Bella with a car.

Weird internet Thursday.

We've all stumbled across 'that' side of the internet. It always seems to be during 'exam time' (ugh, I feel dirty just using that phrase) that I find myself either whining/complaining/semi-trolling on various forums or lurking around the 'weird' side of the internet, wasting my time. It's been established that time is not a rigid construct, therefore, I conclude that I am devoid of any guilt.

I have collected creepy, odd, Japanese odd (oh trust me, the Japs have their own category of 'odd'), downright weird and 'interesting' links over the years. I suppose it's only fair that I share them and bring you all down with me.

1. Are you gay?

Take this test once! If you take it more then once, you must have doubts!













 
2. Duck of the Day

A favourite amongst my fellow procrastinating college students. Log on daily for a new duck of the day.

3. Giga Pudding video

I felt suicidal last night, I then found this video. My life now has meaning again.




4. How many Goats are you worth?

We've all wondered this from time to time. Well now it's time to find out! How many goats are YOU worth?

5. Is it Tuesday?

Not sure if it's Tuesday? Visit 'Is it Tuesday', and they'll give you the cold hard truth.














If any of you non-existent readers have any wacky, weird links to contribute, leave them in a comment :3

Wishlist: January 13

Wishlist 1 by twee420 featuring obey t shirts

1. Jelly Bag
Ah, the jelly bag. Me, in bag form. Maybe if we ALL used jelly bags more often and just TRIED to be a bit more 'kawaii' (Al-Quida, hello... this is for you), there'd be less of terrorism threat and less tedious airport checks.

2. Lime Crime d'Lilac lipstick ($15.99)
A statement lipstick that suits pale skin with cool undertones? OK.. I suppose I'll just have to get it!

3. Mass Effect Trilogy (€45)
I've been meaning to play this for ages now. Three of the most popular, best rated games put into one trilogy. My favourite element of Mass Effect is the decision making within the gameplay and it shapes what the game becomes. I always enjoy games in which you must make difficult decisions, choices and in which you choose whether to be 'good' or 'bad'

4. Betsy Johnson skull ring
I've always wanted an obnoxiously overpriced, shiny Betsy Johnson ring. Yes, it may be indulgent and overpriced but it's shiiiiney.

5. UNIF hellraisers (black/silver studs) //(€120)
Hi, if any sugar-daddies are reading this, this sugar baby is a UK size 3 (US size 5, I think). Thank ya!

6. Obey Heather Grey shirt (€23)
There is a rastafarian variation of this shirt, but I prefer this plain grey variation of the 'OBEY' shirt. However if anyone uses the word 'swag' in my presence, expect to have your bowls disembowelled.

7. Topshop Pink Cord skater skirt (€52)
I have been looking for a baby pink skater skirt for ages and I think I finally found my match.

8. Topshop Nails in Green Room (€6.20)

I've been quite liking green nails recently, it's a welcome break from black nails. I quite like holographic greens, 'alien' greens, turtle greens and blue toned green. This isn't Irish supremecy. I swear.

Reasons why I suck #1

1. I still allow spiders to dominate my life. I hate the creepy little fuckers. They serve no purpose other then creeping people out. It also seems that my bedroom has become a spider hook up point, where the creepy little things congregate and torment me. And then of course, August and September seem to be their happy hour. Just great. I'm sick of trying to kill them from a distance with a battered Cosmopolitan magazine while semi-screaming "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FUCK FUCK FUCK EEEEEEEEEEEEE" in a rather high pitched voice. So I decide bust out a can of bug killing spray. But I'm so terrified and preoccupied with the spiders in the corner of the room, that I didn't realize that the nozzle was aimed the wrong way. Now, I could legally market myself as walking insect repellent (the smell is a bitch to remove from clothes). And the second time that I attempt to banish the spider with the bug spray? Well, I may have gone on a power trip. I may of sprayed so much of the stuff when the 'power' went to my head that I had to evacuate my room. For a day or two.


2. It's common knowledge that Blogspot is saturated with beauty blogs.And while some of these beauty blogs are a great read, a majority of beauty blogs tend to make a mockery of the English language while still managing to whore themselves to PR companies for free samples (a skill in itself, I believe). I enjoy reading some beauty blogs and seeing the people behind them. However, I'll openly admit that I never manage to quite fit in with certain 'beauty buffs' who manage to treat cosmetics religiously. And lets face it, thanks to a tsunami of beauty blogs, almost everyone it seems, has become a beauty buff. It was a friend of mine who decided to take the advice of a novice self styled beauty expert/blogger who recommended an excellent knock off perfume, a 'dupe' if you will. Well, according to my friend this knock off was supposed to smell simular to 'Happy' by Clinque. So I see my friend and ask "What the fuck is that smell?". She brags about the scent for a while and yet I still managed to mindlessly blurt out "It smells like bug spray". She wasn't impressed. It took a while to apologize. The perfume incident was water under the bridge until I said "hey, did you hear about my saga with the spider and the bug spray the other day?". Apparently my bug spray incident was a story I concocted to mock her. There's no winning with people some times..

3. I was supposed to go to the gym this week with my friend Kyle.  I'm sure what exactly happened (probably my apathetic attitude towards fitness and exercise is what happened), but we ended up sitting on my couch all night.. chain smoking, eating popcorn and playing Fallout 3. Enough said.

4. Between the bank, Revenue (Irish tax office) and my broadband server, I've estimated that I've been on put on hold for over 2 hours in the past week. I have also concluded that it is easier to get a kidney transplant in this country, then it is to get a decent high speed internet connection.

Oh the fun of it all:

- If you would like to talk to a computer system that wasn't designed to understand Irish accents, please press 1
- If you would like to stay on hold while listening to a cheap, crappy 'upbeat' Mozart interlude please press 2
- If you would like to be connected to some dope in a crackhouse in Mongolia who will shout "WHAT" 20 times before telling you to plug your broadband modem out, wait 20 seconds and plug it back in again, please press 3
- If you would like a decent, efficient service where you talk to a human (who understands you) and resolves your issue, please hang up.. this is Ireland, get used to doing things arseways.

Liebster Blog Awards

The Liebster blog award is given to up and coming bloggers (200 followers or less I think). A big thank you to Taz for tagging me!

The Rules:

1. Each person must post 11 things about themselves. 

2. Answer the questions the tagger has set for you and create eleven (11) questions for the people you've tagged.

3. Choose eleven (11) people and link them in your post.

4. Go to their page and tell them.

5. Remember no tag backs!

11 things about me

1. I don't have low self esteem, I just have low esteem for everybody else
2. I have been a vegetarian for about 5 years now, although I despise PETA and their chauvinistic sexist arrogance.
3. I'm bilingual. I can speak Irish (gaelic) and English fluently. Thanks to the flawed Irish school system, I speak irrelevant French. I couldn't tell you that I am stranded and I need help, but I can say all the parts of a car in French. I cannot ask you for directions, but I can write a postcard to my mother.
4. I am in a interracial relationship. I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now.
5. I watch an unusual amount of documentaries. I've actually been watching undercover documentaries, exposés and so forth from a very young age. I can firmly say that it has molded me into the cynic that I am today.
6. I study English, Media and Cultural studies in college.
7. I am currently reading 'The Handmaid's Tale' by Margaret Atwood
8. Here is a list of celebrities that I do not care about: Lana del Ray, anyone involved with $cientology, all of the kardashians, professor green, paris hilton, nicole scherzinger, simon cowell, jimmy carr, alan carr, adele ect
9. My favourite video game series is Fallout.
10. I have listened to anarcho-punk, crust punk, thrash, oi and ska since I was an angsty teenager and I am still as in love with these genres as ever.
11. I'm blue da ba dee da ba die..

Taz's questions

1. What are you most proud about? 

Probably just how far I've come in life so far. I'm in college, I have a job, I maintain social interactions. My parents seem happy enough.

2. How many different countries have you visited?

America, Italy, Austria, Spain, France, the UK and Austria. So, 6.

3. If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?

Probably an indie video game designer or a screenwriter.

4. If someone gave you a million pounds, how would you spend it?

Buy a creepy yet beautifully furnished mansion and harbour as many cats as humanly possible. Or hire a personal chef and become fat. Maybe both.

5. Are you an Optimist or a Pessimist?

I would say I am a realist however , we all have different interpretations of reality and my interpretations are often interpreted by others as 'pessimistic'.  

6. If you could go back in time, what era would you go to and why?

I would go to the Weimar republic (Germany, right before the Nazi era) and warn the people of the aftermath of the Third Reich. 

7. What thing do you wish you had invented?

Concealer. Women everywhere would be eternally grateful. 

8. If you brought out a beauty line, what would you call it?

Síóg (pronounced she-oug), it's Irish for fairy.

9. What is your favourite product?

Probably eyeliner, I look like a zombie without eyeliner.

10. Which is your favourite season and why?

I really do not like warm weather.. I prefer Winter, I like dark days (just think of me as a vampire.. with less marketing)

11. If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?

Either Harold or Kumar from the Harold and Kumar series, just so I could get into wild and weird adventures with Neil Patrick Haris. And eat White Burger.

11 Questions from me!

1. If you could punch one celebrity in the face, who would it be?

2. What is your favourite food?

3. If you could change one law OR make a new law, what would it be?

4. Do you believe in a God(s)?

5. Do you have a diet or exercise routine? 

6.  What is the cheesiest song on your ipod/mp3 player?

7. Have you ever read a book or saw a film that changed the way that you look at life?

8. What would your idea of a perfect date be?

9. How old would you be, if you didn't know how old you are? 

10.  If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would that message be?

11. What is the last book that you read?

I tag:

Anyone who sees this.

I know this bit might qualify as cheating.. oh well.

Here are some of my favourite blogs with less then 200 followers,

1. Ethan

2. Bel Agnes

3. Claire 

4. Kyle

I suck at this >.<

Perfect Presents! (For people you hate..)

I don't even like buying presents for people I like. Not because I'm cheap ass. Because I usually end up buying something crap, something very clichéd or doing the honourable thing and getting them vouchers. But buying presents for people that you don't actually like? Well it's so much more fun then it at first seems. Get creative and let your annoyed, over-worked juices flow. 
Here's some inspiration:



1. Unwanted magazine subscriptions 
Has your anti-war, "save the children" neighbour rallied the 'peace troops' in his garden again? Has he being pushing you to 'join the cause'? Has he used the terms 'flower power' one too many times? He's gonna just love his new subscription to American Hand-gunner Magazine (America's most popular gun magazine, don't ya know).


2. Noisy toys
Does someone in your life have a spoilt and obnoxious loud child? Well then, gift them with the loudest, most annoying toy that you can find in the toy shop. Usually, anything colourful and within the nickelodeon franchise does the trick. Think a Dora the Explorer doll. A singing Dora the Explorer. And hey, while you're being so generous, why not provide a years supply of batteries alongside the toy. Aren't you the generous one?
- Also consider: Toys that take ages to put together or a sing-a-long Barney DVD.



3. Candy underwear
Of course, we are entitled to our own opinions and freedom of choice but if that special conservative friend in your life has pushed your buttons by condemning the scientific basis of evolution (LOL), ranted about the 'sanctity of marriage', complained about abortion while pushing for death penalties then maybe you should consider the tasty, classy candy underwear. Maybe.. just maybe.. a bit of (sugar and) spice in the bedroom will allow him/her to let of some steam and give him/her less to bitch about.

4. Pro-Fur coalition membership
I am a vegetarian. However, most of my friends are not vegetarians. And I accept that. Why wouldn't I?  People should be able to enjoy their food and their chosen lifestyle without some nutcase force feeding them nonsense propaganda. So for that special peson in YOUR life, who frowns at you everytime you take a bite of that delicious burger and spends the weekend protesting in a cage to highlight the plight of chickens, consider gifting them with a fur-coalition membership. If no such coalition exists in your area, simply buy them the real thing. Or a years supply of meat. There are different ways that you can go with this, allow your creativity to flow.

5. 'Easy livin', Microwave Cooking' book
As a blogger, I am aware that there are many, many different food and cooking blogs out there with weird and wonderful, creative and mouthwatering recipes. And don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with this alone, I have used many a recipe that I have found various blogs. But, if these foodies are going too far in your life, be it foodie mommies that shame your version of school lunches or an in-law who snubs any of your attempts to speak fondly of comfort food, then the simplicity of 'Easy livin' Microwave Cooking' book is sure to reduce them to tears (and not of joy..).




If anyone can think of some more great gifts to get for people you don't actually like, share them in the comments won't you please?

What hobby should you take up?

Tired of that pesky void in you soul?
Take my quiz to find a new mind numbing hobby!
* I am not responsible for any hair loss caused by said quiz.