This is somewhat of an ode to Dublin bus and many of the.. interesting experiences I've had on various trips with Dublin Bus.
4. On a dusky Summer night last year, I had the pleasure of experiencing Herbert the Pervert on the 46a. Every time a member of the female sex would walk up the stairs of the bus, Herbert would proceed to greet them with one of his charming one liners.
"Jaysis love.. they're some fine cacas on ye!"
"LOVE! LOVE! I saved ye a seat over here next to me! Don't be shy me aul flower!"
"Don't be givin me tha look love, ye probably have a c*** on ye like a burst couch"
Charming.
3. We've all been tourists. I get it. But American tourists, for the love of God, if you're going to venture out of your cheesy melting pot, at least know the basics of where you're staying. The 46a was held up for a good 10 - 15 minutes at St. Stephens green because a herd of yanks decided to try out Dublin bus in all it's glory. After the majority of them payed their fare, they asked the bus driver how long it would take to get to Bunratty.
For those of you who are privileged enough to live outside the Republic of Ireland, Bunratty would be about 2 hours away from Dublin and not a destination on the local dublin buses....
After the bus driver muttered some colourful language followed by "you'll be waiting a long time if you sit on the 46a waiting to go to bunratty", the yanks realized their mistake. Apparently, Ireland does not have just one big long road.
The icing on the cake came when the angry Americans vacated the bus and one of them panted "God, how big can Ireland be?!"
2. Exhausted didn't even cover how tired I was coming home from work on the 4 one day. So you can imagine my utter delight when I walked up the stairs of the bus and saw two drunk travellers (irish gypsies) sitting at the back of the bus... singing. Just think of the worst x-factor audition you've ever seen and multiply it by 10. Traveller woman decided that her 'poor auld uncle Willie' would be the centerpiece of her medley. A medley that never seemed to stop!
"me poor aul uncle willie.. he had but nuttin.. he tried and tried.. hadn't even a button"
Mind blowing stuff.
Traveller woman was similar to Herbert the Pervert because she too had her own way of 'welcoming' and saying goodbye to other patrons of the bus. I couldn't understand much of what she was shouting, but she shouted "get off ye fuckin tramp ye' to some posh woman (quickly) exiting the bus at Blackrock.
1. Those of you who live in Dublin were probably waiting for this one. I have countlessly, sat on the bus (mainly the 46a) during the Summer months with rowdy, noisy (and horny) Spanish students.
- On trip A, two Spanish 'amigos' decided to get it on at the back of the 46a. Everytime the bus went over a bump, the pair would make an eh.. interesting series of noises.
- On trip B, a Spanish student accused some lad sitting next him of stealing his phone. The poor guy had no idea what was going on until the Spanish boy's amigo found his phone in his pocket. No apologies to the poor chap who was berated in Span-glish for 20 minutes. Just more obnoxious noisy Spanish banter.
Honourable mentions that didn't make the list:
- Homeless man on the 7 who told me an epic tale of why one should never do heroin with a chinese prostitute.
- The exhausted old fucker who fell asleep and started snoring so loudly that people were avoiding sitting next to him.
- Underage spoilt rich girls on the way to Wezz (an underage disco) in the most revealing and hideous outfits I've ever seen begging me to throw them a few cigerettes. They're persistant. I'll give them that much.
What about you lot? Anyone else experience these sort of fun and games?
Keep on truckin' (and/or bus-ing) until then
Love and rockets,
Ruth x
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