Oh I do love judgmental 'rants'

So there I was, browsin' away..

Looking for some new blogs to follow and I came across a young woman's blog.
I will not name names, I do not intend for my blog to become the instigator of 'drama'.. this is a blog after all, not an episode of Jersey shore.

First, this blogger felt the need to identify different types of women, all based on their size. Uh oh, basing people's worth on their size and athletic participation? Here we go... this should be good.
This blog post revolved around attacking others.
And believe me, it condemned a lot of people.
Condemning people or 'fatties' who are uncomfortable about their current size and simply vocalize it (god forbid, a 'fatty' might open their mouth for something other then eating pies..). Condemning those who enjoy a treat after a work out. Condemning women who go to the gym and don't do 'enough'.
Ha, the only people she didn't condemn were women like herself; who apparently NEVER indulge and do better then everyone else in the gym.

And before I receive the award for hypocrite of the year, let me just say; I am not condemning this girl. I just feel sorry for her. The fact that she is more concerned about how much other women are doing in the gym says it all really.
Her whole post reeked of 'praise me, oh won't you praise me'.
When you decide to criticise others, in order to put yourself on a pedestal.. well I'd urge you to take a good long hard look at yourself. Maybe you're not as great as you think you are.

I am not one of these 'Go love the world' types. . I am not into the recycled feel good shite one would find in the self help aisle of the bookshop however..

I feel sorry for this blogger because it seems that she can not see past people's looks and their body weight.

It's sad that we live in a society where one cannot look past ones weight.



If she is reading this (haha.. fat chance.. yes pun is motherfucking intended), I'd like you to know that you have bitten off more then you can chew.
It's fine if you live in a nice middle class existence, where you can afford such 'frivolities' as organic food, artificial supplements and gym memberships.
What about families living on an extremely low income? It's a vicious cycle. These people are uneducated about health, cannot afford healthcare and living in a society where TWO mcdonalds meals costs less then a box of cigarettes?

Inform yourself before you speak.

Stop worry so much about others, stop judging so harshly.

Why mormonism hasn't caught on in Ireland.

We all love the ever-wacky mormon faith of Mormonism don't we?

Well aparently, in Ireland... we don't! Not on purpose of course. We just haven't been given the opportunity to embrace the teachings of a religion that proposes that native Americans were actually Israeli immigrants and that dinosaur bones are from distant galaxies that were brought together when Jesus created the earth 6000 years ago.**

Yep, Mormonism certainly is a lot to swallow.

It's the ultimate hybrid of evangelist christianity and outward American westernized nuclear family nonsense. The whole thing is a mish mash of teen purity seminars, odd cult-like ceremonies (baptizing the dead anyone?) and happy smiling white families. Throw some door knocking missionaries into the mix and you've got the Church of Latter Day Saints, or the Mormon faith as they are more commonly known.

It even got it's own South Park episode (dumb dumb dumb anyone?)

Okay so maybe it's an easy target. But don't feel too sorry for the Mormons. They have over 14 million* members worldwide! And with no signs of going broke either due to the church policy that demands 10%+ of a families income**. That's a lot of ehm 'freely given' donations.

But growing at such a rapid speed, would they ever consider opening a Temple or two here in little aul Ireland?

Well, I compiled a short yet concise list on why our Mormon pals might want to just ignore the Emerald Isle completely.

1. Eccentric 'religions', don't tend to catch on in 'we're catholic... when it suits us' Ireland. Or any kind of faith/relgion/cult that goes against the Lazy Catholic mentality.

Example: Somewhat pseudo-science, somewhat occupied with money making 'religion' Scientology can vouch for us on this one. Official 'Church' documents in 2011 have revealed that Scientology Ireland Ltd. is over €688,000 in debt and their revenue has dropped by 60%.*** In fact, the American Scientologists had to bail them out of trouble a good few times. There is something hilarious about the whole situation.

And it seems this failing religion is becoming more and more desperate.

A friend of mine reported that he found a very interesting stall in our local market, a (empty) dianetic/scientology-tastic stall.

Come on now. You really need to set up shop between a cake stand and a brick and brack/jumble sale to get more members?

Mormonism, please take note.

2. I cannot see the fashion aspects of Mormonism becoming a selling point either.

Never mind the whole, nothing above your knees/elbows/no cleavage rules.

I'm talking about Magical Mormon underwear. Or 'Temple Underwear'.

I'll let this informative video do the explaining:

Just an FYI to you Mormon recruiters; you'd be LUCKY to come across a group of Irish girls even wearing underwear.

Don't believe me?

Frequent any popular Dublin nightclub on a Saturday night.

3. So Mormons don't consume alcohol nor do they smoke tobacco. Drugs are a complete no-no and caffeinated products are included. No more cuppa tea. Put down those John Player ciggies. Stop trying to hide your naggins of vodka from the Prophet; he's not an underpaid doorman at some low rate nightclub. He sees all!

Well. Without even bringing the whole alcohol thing into the equation.. I've never met an Irish person that doesn't enjoy a good cuppa tea.

However, I can feel the Mormons breathing down my neck with a 'solution':

Please. Don't even suggest it. Not that herbal shite. We like a nice strong cuppa. Caffeine and all thanks.

A decent cuppa tea is central to irish life and culture. Don't you even dare try and stop them. I'm telling you all now, if you start to trying to take away the tea, you'll run into a lot of troubles... fast.

4. There is a certain rule within the Church; If one is not a Mormon, one cannot enter the Temple. This could pose troublesome for the foundations of big ol' Irish extended families and I'll tell you a fable of what could happen to the Irish family based on real Mormon events/practises:

Picture this, if you will.

Mark and Aoife have become mormons. They liked the swing of things and decided that it was right for them.

After a years of solid chastity, wholesome group dating, non violent youth events and various non-secular single sex activities, Mark proposed to Aoife who gladly accepted.

But. I forgot to mention an important fact here.

Aoife had joined the Mormon faith with the encouragement of her family; aunts, parents, uncles, cousins. To them, Mormon-ism was a shared faith within the family.

Mark had joined alone. His family were disinterested in the somewhat conservative and sexist manners of the Church. As a single parent, Mark's mother had enough to be worrying about however Mark made a mature choice to respect his families decision as he continued into a life of Mormonism.

Why is this important?

Well it was supposed to be a happy day for all involved. The happiest day of someones life in fact; their wedding.

So why was it that Mark's mam and sisters, his favourite auntie and his late father's best friend had to wait outside in the car-park while Mark wed his blushing bride?

Because they had simply decided not to become members of the Mormon faith.

So this religion that claims they are all about 'love', has condemned the non-believers.

One who truly understands the basis of most major religions could point out that no religion gives total authority to humans to condemn their fellow man. After all is that not 'Gods' job?

I don't even know where to begin with that last point. If your religion is all about love and acceptance why are you locking people out of your sacred temples?

Maybe I'm a not part of the God-squad, but I can tell you all something for nothing. When the Mormon faith wouldn't let Mark's family see him on arguable the happiest day of his life.. when his family were told they were not 'worthy'... that was not love.

I'll let you decide Ireland.

Personally I think the omnipresence of the Catholic church in this country is bad enough.

The catholic church here is like a bad coldsore virus; a virus that always seems to be there in one way or another causing upset or disgust and just does not feck off.

But I don't know.

Maybe we should have "I'm a Major Relgion, get me outta here" reality show. I'm thinking battle to death, hunger games/post apocalyptic shit. The winner receives tax exempt status within the Republic of Ireland.

I'm not sure the Mormons would appreciate my opinions right now, especially seeing as I am under the influence (oh red bull.. you devil you)

Let me know your thoughts.

Love and rockets,

Ruth x

Just a few sources:

* - http://lds.about.com/od/mormons/a/church_membership.htm

**- http://jyledupuis.hubpages.com/hub/What-Mormons-Really-Believe

*** -http://www.irishcentral.com/news/Revenue-at-Irish-Church-of-Scientology-drops-by-60-percent-126610713.html

Socializing for dummies 101: Parties

This post (or series of posts in socializing; I haven't decided how active I will be in my efforts) is dedicated to my partner in crime, Kyle.

He's decided to 'give people a chance'; he's socializing more and actively trying to increase his standing in certain social groups and of course this will all help his efforts to turn his life around.

I know.

I don't understand it either.

I do want to help him though (yes, I know I'm an enabler), so I have kicked this guide off with a guide to parties.

Some of the fun people you will meet at parties.

I can't help you understand the logic behind why people chose to have parties.. but I can make the whole experience a hell of a lot less gut retching.

So dear readers, fear not.

If you are in the process of organizing a social event and you don't know where to start; simply follow my invitation template.

Beginning:

Your presence will be tolerated at..

You are reluctantly invited to..

You are un-cordially invited to..

Sick of your own company? Why not drag yourself to..

Why don't you drag your arse to..

Suggested themes

..an all ages strip poker night

..a low calorie dinner party

..an unsocial social gathering of sorts

..a post modern Anne Summers sales pitch

..not a scam-tastic timeshare pitch.. I swear!

Reel them in with the details

- Limited selection of crisps and dip will be provided

- Proof of intelligence required for entry

- Processed cheese and dry pineapple will be served

- Bring your own toilet paper

- Bring your own arsenic

- Bring up religion, conspiracy theories, politics

For those of you brave enough to drag yourself to someone else's crappy attempt to have a party, I only have one vital tip for you;

1. Upon entering the venue note all the exit points. This is crucial if you decide to make a fleeing attempt later on.

If anyone else has any contributions/tips ect, please leave them in the comments.

And if anyone would like to read about Kyle and his efforts to socialize featuring other shenanigans, visit him here.

Don't, don't knock my door

Conversation with a Jehovah's witness at the door:

JW: Hi, do you have a few moments to talk?

Me: Em. No.

JW: Well actually, we are just here to talk to you about the good word of the Lord

Me: Been there, done that.. did that whole catholic thing for a few years.

JW: We're actually here from..

Me: Yeah Jehovah's witnesses, I get it

JW: *sighs* what are you GOALS in life?

Me: My goal is not to wake up at 40 and have to knock on doors converting people, living with the bitter realization that I've wasted my life in a wacky 'religion' that I actually hate because I changed my religious beliefs as a young adult based on the preachings of a door-to-door conversions.

He walked off.

How rude.

Gourmet Guide to pleasurable pizza: 4 star pizza

As a public service, I have personally visited/ordered pizza from every place within a 20-mile radius of my crap-hole of a town, Dun Laoghaire.

It's hard work but someone needs to do it.

1. Four Star Pizza

I was initially nervous about the quality I was going to receive from these people. Why do they call it four star? Why did they feel a need to not give themselves five stars? The whole thing whiffed of suspicious pepperoni if you catch my drift.

None the less, I took the plunge.

Delivery was extremely quick and pizza was delicious.

Pizza itself? Outstanding mozzarella stretch. Great crust to sauce ratio.

I ordered potato wedges as my side dish and I will admit, I was apprehensive. Potato wedges are often a hit and miss with most pizza joints but these wedges were baked to perfection; crispy on the outside and soft and mushy on the inside. All served with the obligatory sticky sweet BBQ sauce.

Maybe in this case four star pizza employed a clever marketing ploy.

My verdict?

9/10

Top 5: worst dublin bus experiences

This is somewhat of an ode to Dublin bus and many of the.. interesting experiences I've had on various trips with Dublin Bus.

5. Last week, an 'interesting' smelling chap on the 7b decided it would be proper order to read out the Irish Republic proclamation of 1916. It was an interesting interpretation to say the least.

4. On a dusky Summer night last year, I had the pleasure of experiencing Herbert the Pervert on the 46a. Every time a member of the female sex would walk up the stairs of the bus, Herbert would proceed to greet them with one of his charming one liners.

"Jaysis love.. they're some fine cacas on ye!"

"LOVE! LOVE! I saved ye a seat over here next to me! Don't be shy me aul flower!"

"Don't be givin me tha look love, ye probably have a c*** on ye like a burst couch"

Charming.

3. We've all been tourists. I get it. But American tourists, for the love of God, if you're going to venture out of your cheesy melting pot, at least know the basics of where you're staying. The 46a was held up for a good 10 - 15 minutes at St. Stephens green because a herd of yanks decided to try out Dublin bus in all it's glory. After the majority of them payed their fare, they asked the bus driver how long it would take to get to Bunratty.

For those of you who are privileged enough to live outside the Republic of Ireland, Bunratty would be about 2 hours away from Dublin and not a destination on the local dublin buses....

After the bus driver muttered some colourful language followed by "you'll be waiting a long time if you sit on the 46a waiting to go to bunratty", the yanks realized their mistake. Apparently, Ireland does not have just one big long road.

The icing on the cake came when the angry Americans vacated the bus and one of them panted "God, how big can Ireland be?!"

2. Exhausted didn't even cover how tired I was coming home from work on the 4 one day. So you can imagine my utter delight when I walked up the stairs of the bus and saw two drunk travellers (irish gypsies) sitting at the back of the bus... singing. Just think of the worst x-factor audition you've ever seen and multiply it by 10. Traveller woman decided that her 'poor auld uncle Willie' would be the centerpiece of her medley. A medley that never seemed to stop!

"me poor aul uncle willie.. he had but nuttin.. he tried and tried.. hadn't even a button"

Mind blowing stuff.

Traveller woman was similar to Herbert the Pervert because she too had her own way of 'welcoming' and saying goodbye to other patrons of the bus. I couldn't understand much of what she was shouting, but she shouted "get off ye fuckin tramp ye' to some posh woman (quickly) exiting the bus at Blackrock.

1. Those of you who live in Dublin were probably waiting for this one. I have countlessly, sat on the bus (mainly the 46a) during the Summer months with rowdy, noisy (and horny) Spanish students.

• On trip A, two Spanish 'amigos' decided to get it on at the back of the 46a. Everytime the bus went over a bump, the pair would make an eh.. interesting series of noises.
• On trip B, a Spanish student accused some lad sitting next him of stealing his phone. The poor guy had no idea what was going on until the Spanish boy's amigo found his phone in his pocket. No apologies to the poor chap who was berated in Span-glish for 20 minutes. Just more obnoxious noisy Spanish banter.

Honourable mentions that didn't make the list:

- Homeless man on the 7 who told me an epic tale of why one should never do heroin with a chinese prostitute.

- The exhausted old fucker who fell asleep and started snoring so loudly that people were avoiding sitting next to him.

- Underage spoilt rich girls on the way to Wezz (an underage disco) in the most revealing and hideous outfits I've ever seen begging me to throw them a few cigerettes. They're persistant. I'll give them that much.

What about you lot? Anyone else experience these sort of fun and games?

Keep on truckin' (and/or bus-ing) until then

Love and rockets,

Ruth x

Snapshot

Listening/Watching/Wearing/Reading/Wanting:

Listening: I've got to admit, I'm listening to a slightly eccentric tune from Sir Paul; a certain ode to his English lameness if you will, 'we all stand together'. It brings back a lot of memories, my father used to have his Paul McCartney cassette tapes playing constantly when I was a child and this song was always my favourite.

Watching: I watched 'Alice in Wonderland' right before I nodded off last night and had some pretty freaky dreams.

Wearing: An oversized (well oversized on little 5ft me...) pink Illustrated People shirt, generic black leggings and a grey cardigan from topshop. If I decide to go to college today to some (much needed) study, it will do. If not, its cozy as fuck.

Reading: A lot of Yeats. Semi-willingly. Of course as an english student, one would expect to study Yeats in great detail but I feel like I've been pushed into an overdose of some sort. The man has produced some great literary work, don't get me wrong... but yeah, complete overdose.

Wanting: I saw these leopard print flats in Schue yesterday night and it was love at first sight... (as with me and most things leopard print).

Sadly, I'm flat out broke!

Don't cry for me (yet) Argentina, tomorrow is payday and I feel a splurge of some sort coming about.

(of course all financial contributions are gladly excepted)

until then

love and rockets,

Ruth.