Reasons why I suck #1

1. I still allow spiders to dominate my life. I hate the creepy little fuckers. They serve no purpose other then creeping people out. It also seems that my bedroom has become a spider hook up point, where the creepy little things congregate and torment me. And then of course, August and September seem to be their happy hour. Just great. I'm sick of trying to kill them from a distance with a battered Cosmopolitan magazine while semi-screaming "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FUCK FUCK FUCK EEEEEEEEEEEEE" in a rather high pitched voice. So I decide bust out a can of bug killing spray. But I'm so terrified and preoccupied with the spiders in the corner of the room, that I didn't realize that the nozzle was aimed the wrong way. Now, I could legally market myself as walking insect repellent (the smell is a bitch to remove from clothes). And the second time that I attempt to banish the spider with the bug spray? Well, I may have gone on a power trip. I may of sprayed so much of the stuff when the 'power' went to my head that I had to evacuate my room. For a day or two.


2. It's common knowledge that Blogspot is saturated with beauty blogs.And while some of these beauty blogs are a great read, a majority of beauty blogs tend to make a mockery of the English language while still managing to whore themselves to PR companies for free samples (a skill in itself, I believe). I enjoy reading some beauty blogs and seeing the people behind them. However, I'll openly admit that I never manage to quite fit in with certain 'beauty buffs' who manage to treat cosmetics religiously. And lets face it, thanks to a tsunami of beauty blogs, almost everyone it seems, has become a beauty buff. It was a friend of mine who decided to take the advice of a novice self styled beauty expert/blogger who recommended an excellent knock off perfume, a 'dupe' if you will. Well, according to my friend this knock off was supposed to smell simular to 'Happy' by Clinque. So I see my friend and ask "What the fuck is that smell?". She brags about the scent for a while and yet I still managed to mindlessly blurt out "It smells like bug spray". She wasn't impressed. It took a while to apologize. The perfume incident was water under the bridge until I said "hey, did you hear about my saga with the spider and the bug spray the other day?". Apparently my bug spray incident was a story I concocted to mock her. There's no winning with people some times..

3. I was supposed to go to the gym this week with my friend Kyle.  I'm sure what exactly happened (probably my apathetic attitude towards fitness and exercise is what happened), but we ended up sitting on my couch all night.. chain smoking, eating popcorn and playing Fallout 3. Enough said.

4. Between the bank, Revenue (Irish tax office) and my broadband server, I've estimated that I've been on put on hold for over 2 hours in the past week. I have also concluded that it is easier to get a kidney transplant in this country, then it is to get a decent high speed internet connection.

Oh the fun of it all:

- If you would like to talk to a computer system that wasn't designed to understand Irish accents, please press 1
- If you would like to stay on hold while listening to a cheap, crappy 'upbeat' Mozart interlude please press 2
- If you would like to be connected to some dope in a crackhouse in Mongolia who will shout "WHAT" 20 times before telling you to plug your broadband modem out, wait 20 seconds and plug it back in again, please press 3
- If you would like a decent, efficient service where you talk to a human (who understands you) and resolves your issue, please hang up.. this is Ireland, get used to doing things arseways.

the Rose of Diddly Dum Aye-Ville

I've lived in Dublin, Ireland all my life so I know a thing or two about businesses and money makers stripping down our culture, simplifying it and making it marketable to the masses of tourists that visit the rip off republic. But seeing American tourists parading around our beautiful city in XXL Aran island jumpers is only the beginning. The dreaded Rose of Tralee. The ultimate saturation of Plastic Paddy wishy washy 'oirish' culture. And available to anyone it seems, who wants to buy into this yone who buys into the diddly o'diddly aye culture.

I know a few people who have applied to be Roses and plastered it all over facebook.
And I've kept silent until now.

I still cannot understand why they bother to broadcast it on Irish television anymore.
Is watching Mary Catherine O'Yank reciting a beautiful 'wee' poem about the green hills of Ireland while convincing Daithí O'Se about the legitimacy of her 'Irishness' and ethnicity your idea of a good time? Television licence money well spent again, RTE.

My favourite part of the 'festival'*?

Watching the glassy eyed parents and family members in the audience as they look on proudly as their daughter becomes the new walking advertisement for Newbridge jewellery and the other generic sponsors.

The most accurate and perhaps only honest depiction of the contest was portrayed on an episode 'Father Ted', in form of 'The Lovely Girl contest':


People will always stand by the argument that this 'Festival' generates a lot of money for Irish tourism. And to that, I shall say this.

Do we really need and/or want a glorified beauty pageant to be one of our 'selling points'?

Do we really need to endure much more of this nonsense?

This pageant should have been buried somewhere in the last century, where it belongs. 

* = glorified beauty pageant

Don't, don't knock my door

Conversation with a Jehovah's witness at the door:

JW: Hi, do you have a few moments to talk?

Me: Em. No.

JW: Well actually, we are just here to talk to you about the good word of the Lord

Me: Been there, done that.. did that whole catholic thing for a few years.

JW: We're actually here from..

Me: Yeah Jehovah's witnesses, I get it

JW: *sighs* what are you GOALS in life?

Me: My goal is not to wake up at 40 and have to knock on doors converting people, living with the bitter realization that I've wasted my life in a wacky 'religion' that I actually hate because I changed my religious beliefs as a young adult based on the preachings of a door-to-door conversions.

He walked off.

How rude.