Why mormonism hasn't caught on in Ireland.

We all love the ever-wacky mormon faith of Mormonism don't we?

Well aparently, in Ireland... we don't! Not on purpose of course. We just haven't been given the opportunity to embrace the teachings of a religion that proposes that native Americans were actually Israeli immigrants and that dinosaur bones are from distant galaxies that were brought together when Jesus created the earth 6000 years ago.**

Yep, Mormonism certainly is a lot to swallow.

It's the ultimate hybrid of evangelist christianity and outward American westernized nuclear family nonsense. The whole thing is a mish mash of teen purity seminars, odd cult-like ceremonies (baptizing the dead anyone?) and happy smiling white families. Throw some door knocking missionaries into the mix and you've got the Church of Latter Day Saints, or the Mormon faith as they are more commonly known.

It even got it's own South Park episode (dumb dumb dumb anyone?)

Okay so maybe it's an easy target. But don't feel too sorry for the Mormons. They have over 14 million* members worldwide! And with no signs of going broke either due to the church policy that demands 10%+ of a families income**. That's a lot of ehm 'freely given' donations.

But growing at such a rapid speed, would they ever consider opening a Temple or two here in little aul Ireland?

Well, I compiled a short yet concise list on why our Mormon pals might want to just ignore the Emerald Isle completely.

1. Eccentric 'religions', don't tend to catch on in 'we're catholic... when it suits us' Ireland. Or any kind of faith/relgion/cult that goes against the Lazy Catholic mentality.

Example: Somewhat pseudo-science, somewhat occupied with money making 'religion' Scientology can vouch for us on this one. Official 'Church' documents in 2011 have revealed that Scientology Ireland Ltd. is over €688,000 in debt and their revenue has dropped by 60%.*** In fact, the American Scientologists had to bail them out of trouble a good few times. There is something hilarious about the whole situation.

And it seems this failing religion is becoming more and more desperate.

A friend of mine reported that he found a very interesting stall in our local market, a (empty) dianetic/scientology-tastic stall.

Come on now. You really need to set up shop between a cake stand and a brick and brack/jumble sale to get more members?

Mormonism, please take note.

2. I cannot see the fashion aspects of Mormonism becoming a selling point either.

Never mind the whole, nothing above your knees/elbows/no cleavage rules.

I'm talking about Magical Mormon underwear. Or 'Temple Underwear'.

I'll let this informative video do the explaining:

Just an FYI to you Mormon recruiters; you'd be LUCKY to come across a group of Irish girls even wearing underwear.

Don't believe me?

Frequent any popular Dublin nightclub on a Saturday night.

3. So Mormons don't consume alcohol nor do they smoke tobacco. Drugs are a complete no-no and caffeinated products are included. No more cuppa tea. Put down those John Player ciggies. Stop trying to hide your naggins of vodka from the Prophet; he's not an underpaid doorman at some low rate nightclub. He sees all!

Well. Without even bringing the whole alcohol thing into the equation.. I've never met an Irish person that doesn't enjoy a good cuppa tea.

However, I can feel the Mormons breathing down my neck with a 'solution':

Please. Don't even suggest it. Not that herbal shite. We like a nice strong cuppa. Caffeine and all thanks.

A decent cuppa tea is central to irish life and culture. Don't you even dare try and stop them. I'm telling you all now, if you start to trying to take away the tea, you'll run into a lot of troubles... fast.

4. There is a certain rule within the Church; If one is not a Mormon, one cannot enter the Temple. This could pose troublesome for the foundations of big ol' Irish extended families and I'll tell you a fable of what could happen to the Irish family based on real Mormon events/practises:

Picture this, if you will.

Mark and Aoife have become mormons. They liked the swing of things and decided that it was right for them.

After a years of solid chastity, wholesome group dating, non violent youth events and various non-secular single sex activities, Mark proposed to Aoife who gladly accepted.

But. I forgot to mention an important fact here.

Aoife had joined the Mormon faith with the encouragement of her family; aunts, parents, uncles, cousins. To them, Mormon-ism was a shared faith within the family.

Mark had joined alone. His family were disinterested in the somewhat conservative and sexist manners of the Church. As a single parent, Mark's mother had enough to be worrying about however Mark made a mature choice to respect his families decision as he continued into a life of Mormonism.

Why is this important?

Well it was supposed to be a happy day for all involved. The happiest day of someones life in fact; their wedding.

So why was it that Mark's mam and sisters, his favourite auntie and his late father's best friend had to wait outside in the car-park while Mark wed his blushing bride?

Because they had simply decided not to become members of the Mormon faith.

So this religion that claims they are all about 'love', has condemned the non-believers.

One who truly understands the basis of most major religions could point out that no religion gives total authority to humans to condemn their fellow man. After all is that not 'Gods' job?

I don't even know where to begin with that last point. If your religion is all about love and acceptance why are you locking people out of your sacred temples?

Maybe I'm a not part of the God-squad, but I can tell you all something for nothing. When the Mormon faith wouldn't let Mark's family see him on arguable the happiest day of his life.. when his family were told they were not 'worthy'... that was not love.

I'll let you decide Ireland.

Personally I think the omnipresence of the Catholic church in this country is bad enough.

The catholic church here is like a bad coldsore virus; a virus that always seems to be there in one way or another causing upset or disgust and just does not feck off.

But I don't know.

Maybe we should have "I'm a Major Relgion, get me outta here" reality show. I'm thinking battle to death, hunger games/post apocalyptic shit. The winner receives tax exempt status within the Republic of Ireland.

I'm not sure the Mormons would appreciate my opinions right now, especially seeing as I am under the influence (oh red bull.. you devil you)

Let me know your thoughts.

Love and rockets,

Ruth x

Just a few sources:

* - http://lds.about.com/od/mormons/a/church_membership.htm

**- http://jyledupuis.hubpages.com/hub/What-Mormons-Really-Believe

*** -http://www.irishcentral.com/news/Revenue-at-Irish-Church-of-Scientology-drops-by-60-percent-126610713.html

Socializing for dummies 101: Parties

This post (or series of posts in socializing; I haven't decided how active I will be in my efforts) is dedicated to my partner in crime, Kyle.

He's decided to 'give people a chance'; he's socializing more and actively trying to increase his standing in certain social groups and of course this will all help his efforts to turn his life around.

I know.

I don't understand it either.

I do want to help him though (yes, I know I'm an enabler), so I have kicked this guide off with a guide to parties.

Some of the fun people you will meet at parties.

I can't help you understand the logic behind why people chose to have parties.. but I can make the whole experience a hell of a lot less gut retching.

So dear readers, fear not.

If you are in the process of organizing a social event and you don't know where to start; simply follow my invitation template.

Beginning:

Your presence will be tolerated at..

You are reluctantly invited to..

You are un-cordially invited to..

Sick of your own company? Why not drag yourself to..

Why don't you drag your arse to..

Suggested themes

..an all ages strip poker night

..a low calorie dinner party

..an unsocial social gathering of sorts

..a post modern Anne Summers sales pitch

..not a scam-tastic timeshare pitch.. I swear!

Reel them in with the details

- Limited selection of crisps and dip will be provided

- Proof of intelligence required for entry

- Processed cheese and dry pineapple will be served

- Bring your own toilet paper

- Bring your own arsenic

- Bring up religion, conspiracy theories, politics

For those of you brave enough to drag yourself to someone else's crappy attempt to have a party, I only have one vital tip for you;

1. Upon entering the venue note all the exit points. This is crucial if you decide to make a fleeing attempt later on.

If anyone else has any contributions/tips ect, please leave them in the comments.

And if anyone would like to read about Kyle and his efforts to socialize featuring other shenanigans, visit him here.

Don't, don't knock my door

Conversation with a Jehovah's witness at the door:

JW: Hi, do you have a few moments to talk?

Me: Em. No.

JW: Well actually, we are just here to talk to you about the good word of the Lord

Me: Been there, done that.. did that whole catholic thing for a few years.

JW: We're actually here from..

Me: Yeah Jehovah's witnesses, I get it

JW: *sighs* what are you GOALS in life?

Me: My goal is not to wake up at 40 and have to knock on doors converting people, living with the bitter realization that I've wasted my life in a wacky 'religion' that I actually hate because I changed my religious beliefs as a young adult based on the preachings of a door-to-door conversions.

He walked off.

How rude.

Gourmet Guide to pleasurable pizza: 4 star pizza

As a public service, I have personally visited/ordered pizza from every place within a 20-mile radius of my crap-hole of a town, Dun Laoghaire.

It's hard work but someone needs to do it.

1. Four Star Pizza

I was initially nervous about the quality I was going to receive from these people. Why do they call it four star? Why did they feel a need to not give themselves five stars? The whole thing whiffed of suspicious pepperoni if you catch my drift.

None the less, I took the plunge.

Delivery was extremely quick and pizza was delicious.

Pizza itself? Outstanding mozzarella stretch. Great crust to sauce ratio.

I ordered potato wedges as my side dish and I will admit, I was apprehensive. Potato wedges are often a hit and miss with most pizza joints but these wedges were baked to perfection; crispy on the outside and soft and mushy on the inside. All served with the obligatory sticky sweet BBQ sauce.

Maybe in this case four star pizza employed a clever marketing ploy.

My verdict?

9/10

Top 5: worst dublin bus experiences

This is somewhat of an ode to Dublin bus and many of the.. interesting experiences I've had on various trips with Dublin Bus.

5. Last week, an 'interesting' smelling chap on the 7b decided it would be proper order to read out the Irish Republic proclamation of 1916. It was an interesting interpretation to say the least.

4. On a dusky Summer night last year, I had the pleasure of experiencing Herbert the Pervert on the 46a. Every time a member of the female sex would walk up the stairs of the bus, Herbert would proceed to greet them with one of his charming one liners.

"Jaysis love.. they're some fine cacas on ye!"

"LOVE! LOVE! I saved ye a seat over here next to me! Don't be shy me aul flower!"

"Don't be givin me tha look love, ye probably have a c*** on ye like a burst couch"

Charming.

3. We've all been tourists. I get it. But American tourists, for the love of God, if you're going to venture out of your cheesy melting pot, at least know the basics of where you're staying. The 46a was held up for a good 10 - 15 minutes at St. Stephens green because a herd of yanks decided to try out Dublin bus in all it's glory. After the majority of them payed their fare, they asked the bus driver how long it would take to get to Bunratty.

For those of you who are privileged enough to live outside the Republic of Ireland, Bunratty would be about 2 hours away from Dublin and not a destination on the local dublin buses....

After the bus driver muttered some colourful language followed by "you'll be waiting a long time if you sit on the 46a waiting to go to bunratty", the yanks realized their mistake. Apparently, Ireland does not have just one big long road.

The icing on the cake came when the angry Americans vacated the bus and one of them panted "God, how big can Ireland be?!"

2. Exhausted didn't even cover how tired I was coming home from work on the 4 one day. So you can imagine my utter delight when I walked up the stairs of the bus and saw two drunk travellers (irish gypsies) sitting at the back of the bus... singing. Just think of the worst x-factor audition you've ever seen and multiply it by 10. Traveller woman decided that her 'poor auld uncle Willie' would be the centerpiece of her medley. A medley that never seemed to stop!

"me poor aul uncle willie.. he had but nuttin.. he tried and tried.. hadn't even a button"

Mind blowing stuff.

Traveller woman was similar to Herbert the Pervert because she too had her own way of 'welcoming' and saying goodbye to other patrons of the bus. I couldn't understand much of what she was shouting, but she shouted "get off ye fuckin tramp ye' to some posh woman (quickly) exiting the bus at Blackrock.

1. Those of you who live in Dublin were probably waiting for this one. I have countlessly, sat on the bus (mainly the 46a) during the Summer months with rowdy, noisy (and horny) Spanish students.

• On trip A, two Spanish 'amigos' decided to get it on at the back of the 46a. Everytime the bus went over a bump, the pair would make an eh.. interesting series of noises.
• On trip B, a Spanish student accused some lad sitting next him of stealing his phone. The poor guy had no idea what was going on until the Spanish boy's amigo found his phone in his pocket. No apologies to the poor chap who was berated in Span-glish for 20 minutes. Just more obnoxious noisy Spanish banter.

Honourable mentions that didn't make the list:

- Homeless man on the 7 who told me an epic tale of why one should never do heroin with a chinese prostitute.

- The exhausted old fucker who fell asleep and started snoring so loudly that people were avoiding sitting next to him.

- Underage spoilt rich girls on the way to Wezz (an underage disco) in the most revealing and hideous outfits I've ever seen begging me to throw them a few cigerettes. They're persistant. I'll give them that much.

What about you lot? Anyone else experience these sort of fun and games?

Keep on truckin' (and/or bus-ing) until then

Love and rockets,

Ruth x

Snapshot

Listening/Watching/Wearing/Reading/Wanting:

Listening: I've got to admit, I'm listening to a slightly eccentric tune from Sir Paul; a certain ode to his English lameness if you will, 'we all stand together'. It brings back a lot of memories, my father used to have his Paul McCartney cassette tapes playing constantly when I was a child and this song was always my favourite.

Watching: I watched 'Alice in Wonderland' right before I nodded off last night and had some pretty freaky dreams.

Wearing: An oversized (well oversized on little 5ft me...) pink Illustrated People shirt, generic black leggings and a grey cardigan from topshop. If I decide to go to college today to some (much needed) study, it will do. If not, its cozy as fuck.

Reading: A lot of Yeats. Semi-willingly. Of course as an english student, one would expect to study Yeats in great detail but I feel like I've been pushed into an overdose of some sort. The man has produced some great literary work, don't get me wrong... but yeah, complete overdose.

Wanting: I saw these leopard print flats in Schue yesterday night and it was love at first sight... (as with me and most things leopard print).

Sadly, I'm flat out broke!

Don't cry for me (yet) Argentina, tomorrow is payday and I feel a splurge of some sort coming about.

(of course all financial contributions are gladly excepted)

until then

love and rockets,

Ruth.

Review: (detailed!) The Sims 3

I will be doing a full reviews on expansion packs for the Sims 3, but I thought I'd get the ball rolling with a review of the Sims 3 for PC/Mac.

Official game trailer:

Ever wonder why God lets bad things happen?

Play the Sims and you'll soon find out. It's fun to have the ultimate control over your creations (and for some reason people are now finding in fun in creating wackier and wackier ways of killing their creations.. it's slightly sadistic but still fun to try)

Fuck it, it's even fun to even create yourself in sim version... (well you might make some 'slight' improvements, I went from a cup size B in real life to what looked like a D cup in my Sim version). Just be warned, when 'you' achieve the perfect life... you will most likely develop deep jealous feelings and end up killing your poor sim in the most imaginative form possible (see link above).

To begin, I know that the Sims is a major franchise and a lot of you will probably of played some form of the game in your lives. For those you who were avid Sims 2 players, there are several improvements to the base game but there are several 'non-improvements' that would make you seriously question the logic of EA/Maxis...

Positive improvements include;

- Travel is much more realistic. Now your Sim walk to the park, drive to the movies after work or get a cab home to your 'lot'. You do not spend hours staring at loading screens while this is happening as technically, the whole town is your 'lot'.

- Sims have personality 'traits' now, which shapes what type of person they will be. Although there has been a lot of debate over this, I believe that picking your sims personality traits is a positive move from the primitive 'Zodiac' system.

- The scenery within the game is beautifully done. This is probably the strangest aspect of the game. Almost everything is detailed and realistic. The sun rises and sets gradually now as asposed to the sudden 'lights on, lights off' at 7am/7pm within TS2.

Sunset Valley, beautiful scenic suburban base town

'EA, the fuck you were you thinking'/un-improvements include;

- No weather in the base game! And to this point (13th Feb, 2012), there is no expansion pack that includes weather. Enough said.

- There are certain aspects of the game that will make you instantly think 'lazy programming'. Such as when you drive your car/take a cab, you/the cab driver will drive straight through any oncoming traffic or cyclists.

- Emphasis is taken off relationship developments in the Sims 3 especially when you compare it to The Sims 2. You do not need to obtain friends in order to advance within the game and IMO, this makes the game less challenging.

- It still seems like theres not enough time in the day. Your Sim is knackered after work and accomplishing even the smallest tasks seem to take up huge chunks of time. 2 hours to do the grocery shopping? I don't think so, EA.

Annoying, seemingly lazy programming

I know, I know.. I haven't said the inevitable yet... if the Sims community forums has taught us anything, it's that there are different 'types' of Sims players. So, I'll break it down.

New Sims Players: 3/5

I didn't know where to start for you guys. All I can say is that the Sims in general, is very hit and miss. For some people, it can prove to be an addiction and for some other people it can prove to be one of the most repetitive things since Tyra Banks's talk show. All I'll say is, you need to play it for yourself in order to make your mind up. If you're into video games with a solid beginning, middle and end... forget about it. If you like the idea of having the freedom to come up with your own stories/plots, then maybe this is one for you.

House builders: 4/5

You will love the Sims 3 if you're into building houses for your Sims. It's easier to customize the textures and designs of your house now. Also, you can now do more with furniture itself, such as place it at angles or customize the colour/design (hello tacky leopard print rooms!). The reason I gave the house building aspect for the base game a 4 out of 5 though is due to the limited amount of furniture you receive in the base game. If you like building various houses throughout the neighbourhood, it is done slightly arseways. On the main menu of the map within the town, you'll need to click 'edit town'.

(FYI - those of you into building all sorts of mad big places in the Sims should check out The Curtis Paradis Show. This guy is man when it comes to making obnoxiously big and fabulous houses.. he's even done a Sims 3 version of the White House... yes THE WHITE HOUSE!! I chose not to watch his videos, they tend to put me in a 'I'm inspired to do things I can't achieve' mode and I end up frustrated with shitty houses)

Neighbourhood Building players: 1/5

If you enjoyed building neighbourhoods in the Sims 2, you're going to be epically dissapointed with TS3. You can only 'customize' your base town, Sunset valley. You can download more worlds from the Sims website but still, you're confined to the one world. There is a 'create-a-world' tool available to download from the Sims website but it is in BETA and for PC only. It's extremly hard to use, unless you know your stuff!

'God' Players: 1/5

Because the Sims 3 is more of a 'game', then a story telling tool.. those of you who enjoy creating multi-families, will NOT be impressed as you can only manage one family at a time. EA has demoted you guys from God status.

- If you enjoyed creating Sims, I can assure you that the new create a Sim feature is very well developed with good graphics and cool new features.

Create-a-Sim

And for those of you who enjoy the pleasure of having children within the game, I believe it's improved heaps and miles. You can now have a 'realistic' pregnancy (morning sickness included, lucky sim), dote on a newborn that will progress from a whinging toddler to a demanding child. And from demanding child spawns the spoilt teenage Sim. You can also have a 'young adult Sim' now which adds a nice new dimension to the game.

Family within the Sims 3

Overall verdict:

If you are new to the Sims franchise and like the idea of having the freedom to create your own 'stories', you will probably enjoy the game.

If you are an avid fan of TS2, beware and approach with caution! There will be of course elements that will please you and some other elements... not so much!

If anyone has any questions/observations about the game, feel free to say so in the comments.

Writing this has made me want to waste some study time on the Sims.

Until then

Love and rockets,

Ruth.